The story of a gray hair

It was a dull Monday morning last week, when I witnessed in the mirror a gray hair on my head. Oh no! My first thought was that I am aging rapidly but then I soon concluded that it must be the stress trying to adjust to a change in my environment.  I started researching about acculturative stress among expatriates and I came up with a number of studies on the topic.

Most psychologists and social scientists conclude that the premigration experiences, post migration acculturative experiences, acculturation attitudes and individual characteristics -such as gender and age- contribute to acculturative stress in the expatriate individuals and families.  Four types of acculturation style have monopolised the bibliography for the past decades: a) integration (interest in maintaining both cultural identities), 2) assimilation (only interest in maintaining mainstream cultural identity), 3) separation (only interest in maintaining ethnic cultural identity), and 4) marginalization (little interest in maintaining both cultural identities).  Regardless, the idea is that you do have a choice for your actions.  In my case, I am trying to integrate into Finnish society, which is a highly demanding task.  

Acculturative stress is usually accompanied by behavioural, psychological, and somatic problems, as well as, self-esteem, life satisfaction and social difficulties. I think I have encountered many of these problems, for instance, insomnia, hair loss, and low self-esteem. The relationship between acculturation and psychological well-being is a complex issue since a lot of burden is placed upon the shoulders of immigrants trying to integrate into the new society. Psychological well-being is negatively related to discrimination, but positively related to language proficiency and parental support.  Moreover, social interaction has been demonstrated to be a main predictor of expatriate adjustment and stress-reducing factor. 

The following list is written on a post-it on my mirror:

    1.    Develop a positive outlook on life. Do you see the cup half-full or half-empty?

    2. Think of change as a challenging and normal part of life.

    3. See setbacks and problems as temporary and solvable.

   4. Believe that you will succeed if you keep working toward your goals.

   5. Build strong relationships with family and friends. They can form a support system, which you can turn for help.

 

Feeling good :(

The above song of the VOICE of blues and jazz, Nina Simone, is perfectly describing how I am feeling right here, right now..

Lyrics are happy;
music is sad.

She’s confused and so am I
She should be happy
but her song is a cry for help..

”Fish in the sea know how I feel”

I feel bad you know it
but I am singing so everyone thinks I am happy
”Freedom in mine”

but i feel lonely

Sun, fish, sky know but they will never reveal my secret. .

Feeling bad. .

 

When Cultures Collide…

According to the 2004 report of Statistics Finland, 108.346 foreigners are residing in Finland.

The majority of immigrants are of Russian and Estonian nationality. Besides, a great amount comes as political refugees from Somalia, the former Yugoslavia and Iraq. The long list includes single individuals or families from the following countries: United Kingdom, Germany, China, Iran, Turkey, Thailand, USA, Bosnia and Herzegovina, Afganistan, Vietnam and India.

Having lived in Finland for almost 3 years, I have experienced two basic types of behaviour: a welcoming one and a xenophobic one. Xenophobia is a fear or contempt of foreigners or strangers. It comes from the greek words ξένος (xenos), meaning ‘foreigner’, ‘stranger’, and φόβος (phobos), meaning ‘fear’. For some people, I am an exotic looking and culturally interesting individual. Due to the fact that Greece is a popular summer destination for Finns, many of those are not afraid to approach and communicate with me. But for another category of people, I represent the unknown, which should be left in isolation. These people are everywhere regardless of social status, educational level, age or wealth.

As a real-life example, the fact that I was born elsewhere made it very difficult for me to find a decent flat in Helsinki. After a weeks’ long-lasting queuing for apartment showings, filling information sheets, unhelpful people and lots of stress I started wondering why I am not offered a flat. I started feeling less of myself and my self-esteem just slumped. Was I not welcome in their society? Do I look like a criminal? My need for belonging was definitely not met.

Xenophobia is not a synonymous or interchangeable term with ‘racism’. Racism is being based on genetic ancestry. Xenophobia may be directed against a group, which has been present for centuries. It is a socially located phenomenon; a pathology of any society.

Stereotyping is a natural function of the human mind. Every culture seeks to simplify a complex reality so that it can better determine how best to act in any given circumstance. However, the danger is to stigmatise and label people belonging to a specific group. Stereotypes and subtle biases affect our lives in a negative way and deprive us of valuable cultural experiences.

How to deal with stereotypes:

Ø Focus on the particular individual, rather than on their ethnic or national background. Remember that there are often greater differ differences within a group than between groups.

Ø Think that you may lose a great friend/ neighbour/ tenant if you jump to unfair judgments about individuals and groups.

Ø Everyone has experienced being a foreigner during their course of life. First day at school/ work, or, even, a trip abroad. We all know that uncomfortable feeling. Why to inflict these emotions to others?

Ø Keep in mind that mobility of people is a fact in contemporary societies. In my opinion, every culturally diverse society is privileged to embrace various traditions, foods, languages, and talented people, because they lead to better global understanding and national identification.

 

To know us better..

O αγαπημένος μου stranger a.k.a άνθρωπος του μετρό μου έστειλε το παρακάτω προς συμπλήρωση.

Μου τη σπάνε τα chain mails a.k.a spams αλλά με συγκίνησε με την πίστη του ότι θα του απαντήσω πρώτη. Έτσι κι έκανα.. Αχ, πόσο με ξέρεις!

Σας το παραθέτω:

> ANTIGRAPSTE OLOKLHRO TO MHNYMA SE ENA NEO KENO E-MAIL.
>
>ALLAKSTE OLES TIS APANTHSEIS GIA NA GRAPSETE TIS DIKES SAS. KATOPIN STEILTE TO MHNYMA SE ENA SYNOLO GNOSTON SAS ANTHROPON,SYMPERILAMVANOMENOY KAI AYTOU POU SAS TO ESTEILE ARXIKA.THA MATHETE ETSI POLLA MIKRA PRAGMATA GIA TOUS FILOUS SAS. MHN KSEXASETE NA STEILETE TIS APANTHSEIS SAS KAI STON APOSTOLEA TOU MHNYMATOS:
>
> TI ORA EINAI ? 20:23:02
> ONOMA ? Mei Generis i allios Titi

> TA GENETHLIA SOU? 18 Ian 1984
> ZWDIO ? Aigokeros
> YPSOS ? 1.65
> XRWMA MALLIWN ? Kastana an k xthes anakalypsa mia leuki trixa!

> XRWMA MATIWN ? prasina

> PIERCING ? In my betty button!To epomeno kalokairi omos.. ki afto einai desmeusi
> ΤΙ DOULEIA KANEIS ? Freelance journalist kai master in arts management
> AGAPAS AYTO POU KANEIS? 110%

> SE POIA POLH ZEIS? Sto Helsinki
> ZWA ? Eimai allergiki
> TATTO ? A pa pa

> EXEIS ERWTEYTEI POTE ? Ax, erota..Nai

> EXEIS AGAPHSEI KAPOION SE SHMEIO NA KLAPSEIS GIA AYTON/HN? Hello?!
> EIXES POTE ATYXHMA ME TO AYTOKINHTO ? Nai alla den odigousa ego.
> EXEIS PATHEI POTE KATAGMA? Nope

> PEPSI ‘H COCA COLA ? Kanena. De pino anapsyktika.
> SE TI POTHRI ? -
> AGAPHMENO XRWMA ESWROUXWN ? roz kai kitrino
> NOUMERO PAPOUTSIWN ? 38 kai to louri tis manas!NTEOUN!
> AGAPHMENOS ARITHMOS ? 7
> EIDOS MOUSIKHS POU AKOUS ? Jazz, R n B, House

>THEMA SYZHTISHS POU APEXTHANESAI ? “Autokinita, gadgets, extreme sports..”

> XARAKTIRAS DISNEY ‘H WARNER BROS ? Donald Duck
> AGAPHMENO SOU JUNK FOOD? Gyros
> PROVLHMA ? Nai me ti mesi mou…ouf..
> AGAPHMENO XRWMA ? Prasino se oles tis apoxroseis
> PWS VLEPEIS TON EAYTO SOU STO MELLON ? Epityximeno
>POIOS FILOS SOU MENEI PIO MAKRIA ? Oloi! Den exo kai kanenan konta!!
> POIOS NOMIZEIS PWS THA SOU APANTISEI PRWTOS ? H Kozaniki

> POIOS THA ARGHSEI PERISSOTERO? O teleutaios!
> EXEIS PC STO SPITI ? Oxi, exo laptop

> AGAPHMENO CD? Melanie C, Northern Star
> TO PRWTO PRAGMA POU SKEFTESAI MOLIS KSYPNISEIS? Sokolata i Dimitriaka?
> POS VLEPEIS THN AGAPH ? Meso web cam
> TI EXEIS MAZI SOU KAI DEN TO APOXWRIZESAI POTE? To i-pod mou
> TI EXEIS STON TOIXO SOU ? Reminder board

> TI EXEIS KATW APO TO KREBATI SOU ? Skoni
>GRAPSE KATI SE AYTON POU SOU ESTEILE AYTO TO MHNYMA: Me sygkinise i anafora tou onomatos mou eis triploun…gi afto k apantisa! Etsi stranger?
> GRAPSE TO ONOMA AYTOU POU SIGOURA DEN PERIMENEIS NA SOU APANTHSEI: O Jari giati de tha katalavainei…Oops!
> GRAPSE TO ONOMA AUTOU POU SIGOURA THA SOU APANTHSEI: Rannia mou eisai edo?
> POIOS THA ‘THELES NA SOU APANTHSEI?? OLOI!

>
>TI THA EGRAFES SE KAPOION POU DEN MPOREIS NA TOU TO PEIS ?? Eimai poly sympathitiko atomo..
> AGAPHMENO SPORT ? Enorgani
> AGAPHMENH TAINIA? Fight club
> AGAPHMENO ZWO ? Coala. Thymaste ekeino to paidiko stin kratiki tileorasi?
> TI ORA EINAI TORA? 20.36

* Χίλια ευχαριστώ στο Δημήτρη που μου έδωσε ζωή ως ηρωίδα κόμικ!!

 

Culture Shock: Hit me one more time!

Notice: The article below is written for Uusi Rovaniemi, property of Lapin Kansa Oy.

Every September I encounter a burdensome situation. I am leaving my native land and moving back to Finland. I am in between countries with totally different cultural wavelengths. And when cultures are colliding, cultural shock might set in. My first weeks in Finland are always ones of adjustment and stress. I am now packing for Helsinki where I am going to be studying at the Sibelius Academy. New city, new flat, new people, new school and a new way of living!

Culture shock, was introduced for the first time in 1958 to describe the anxiety produced when a person moves to a completely new environment, for instance when entering a new culture. It can be describe culture shock as the physical and emotional discomfort one suffers when coming to live in another country or a place different from the place of origin. This term expresses the lack of direction, the feeling of not knowing what to do or how to do things in a new environment, and not knowing what is appropriate or inappropriate. Everything is different, for example, not speaking the language, not knowing how to greet people, not knowing how to use the public services and so forth.

My transition into Finnish culture was stressful and even lead to health problems. I have felt anxiety, disorientation, and frustration. Out of the blue, I found myself in the other corner of Europe with a sudden drop of temperature about 40 degrees Celsius. I was suddenly operating outside of my cultural comfort zone and I had to adapt to the new country and the local community with their own culture, language and values. Oh no! Where have I gotten myself into?

Self-discovery, however, is the greatest gift of culture shock. Discovering and questioning your own worldview, values and beliefs is a positive learning experience that creates an opportunity to broaden your perspective, understand yourself more deeply, learn how to negotiate and enjoy diversity, and stimulate personal creativity. On the other end of the spectrum, people might experience a loss of identity and lack of confidence. Immigrants often feel they are between two cultures and do not belong in any of them. They might feel lost, sad, and melancholic.

The factors, which contribute to the duration and effects of culture shock as it undergoes its stages, are the individual’s state of mental health, type of personality, previous experiences, socio-economic conditions, familiarity with the language, family and/or social support systems, and level of education. Sooner or later cultural adaptation is achieved and people are able to live well in the environment and acculturate to with the culture they are now part of. In order to get there here are some suggestions:

Suggestions for dealing with Culture Shock

o Develop a hobby. Enrol to an art course, swim, take a dance class, etc. This will help combat the sadness and loneliness in a constructive manner.

o Be patient. Give yourself time to adjust to your new life – remind yourself that this is not permanent and that you are part of a wonderful learning experience.

o Get to know the new culture. Learn the language. Get involved in community activities and events that allow you to practice the language, learn about the customs and meet new friends.

o Maintain contact with your ethnic group. This will give you a feeling of belonging and you will reduce your feelings of loneliness and alienation.

 

If you tolerate this then your children will be next..

 

Notice: The article below is written for Uusi Rovaniemi newspaper, property of Lapin Kansa Oy.

We wake up one morning in December 2020. The sun is shining and the temperature is 35C. The air is dry and dusty. It has not rained since last spring. A simple pour would put the whole Greece in alert due to the catastrophic floods that would follow. This scenario is not fiction but the forthcoming future. In the past two decades more than 20 million acres of forest was lost due to fires in Greece. By the end of this summer thousands of acres of land and many wildlife species will have been turned to ashes.

Soon, the seasons will mutate into something we are unfamiliar with and we are going to experience severe pollution, lack of clean resources and the fear of eating and being exposed to the sun. Skin cancer is going to be a serious cause of death, similar to HIV nowadays. Deforestation and water famines are going to cause the temperature to rise and the spring mornings in the near future are going to remind us of today’s heat waves.

Human activity is the cause of global warming. Human beings are responsible for heavy industries’ waste, nuclear waste, pollution from automobiles and aeroplanes, wars, and mostly the indifference about measurements of protection. For instance, the refusal of the United States of America, the largest emitter of carbon dioxide from the burning of fossil fuels, to ratify the Kyoto Protocol of the United Nations Framework Convention on Climate Change.

It is undoubted that the decision for the usage of renewable sources of energy and the reduction of greenhouse gas emissions is political. However, every single one of us has to take action to prevent our planet from destruction. Our actions in every day life and our political and social awareness can have an impact.

Here are some disturbing facts:

o Over one billion people still lack access to clean water, and nearly two billion lack sanitation. Every year more than three million people still die from avoidable water-related diseases.

o Air pollution all kinds of damage, including forest damage from acid rain, loss of fish and other aquatic species from acidification, and reproductive failures caused by mercury in fish and in birds that eat fish.

o Worldwide approximately 250 million people become sick each year after eating contaminated fish or bathing or swimming in contaminated coastal waters.

o Worldwide, at least, 15589 species face extinction. However, this is certainly an underestimate, because it is based on assessments of only 3% of the world’s 1.9 million species that have been described. A majority of the world’s species have not been described.

o Although estimates vary to a great extent, the current extinction rates are at least one hundred to a thousand times higher than background, or ‘natural’ rates.

 

 

A perfect boyfriend

Every girl dreams that one day she will find a guy that does these things for her. Even the smallest action can have the BIGGEST impact in someone’s life.

¤ give her one of your t-shirts to sleep in.

¤ leave her cute text notes.

¤ kiss her in front of your friends.

¤ tell her she looks beautiful.

¤ look into her eyes when you talk to her.

¤ let her mess with your hair.

¤ touch her hair.

¤ just walk around with her.

¤ FORGIVE her for her MISTAKES.

¤ look at her like she’s the only girl you see.

¤ tickle her even when she says stop. No.ACTUALLY Stop Or I’ll Hit You!

¤ hold her hand when you’re around your friends.

¤ when she starts swearing at you, tell her you love her.

¤ let her fall asleep in your arms.

¤ get her mad, then kiss her.

¤ tease her and let her tease you back.

¤ stay up all night with her when she’s sick.

¤ watch her favorite movie with her.

¤ kiss her forehead.

¤ let her wear your clothes.

¤ when she’s sad, hang out with her.

¤ let her know she’s important.

¤ let her take all the photos she wants of you.

¤ kiss her in the pouring rain.

¤ when you fall in love with her, tell her.

¤ and when you tell her, love her like you’ve never loved someone before.

 

*ΕΚΤΑΚΤH ΠΑΡΑΚΛΗΣΗ* Save the planet, kill yourself

Με ρωτήσατε για την κατάσταση στον Ατμοηλεκτρικό Σταθμό Αγίου Δημητρίου στην Κοζάνη μετά τις πρόσφατες κινητοποιήσεις. Τι να πω ως Κοζανίτισσα;; Τα μόνα που με σιγουριά μπορώ να πω είναι: 1ον, Το μπαλκόνι μου είναι γεμάτο σκόνη και τα αιωρούμενα σωματίδια ΔΕΝ μεγαλώνουν γερά παιδιά. Και, 2ον, Οι υποσχέσεις στην Ελλάδα δίνονται για να μην τηρούνται. Παράλογο;!;

Ο πλανήτης οδεύει στην καταστροφή από μόνος του, αλλά εμείς τραβάμε το καλώδιο μια ώρα αρχύτερα..

 

Mrs. Talk and Mr. NOT!

Notice: The article below is written for Uusi Rovaniemi newspaper, property of Lapin Kansa Oy.

As you may have observed, women and men who work or live closely together often get tied up in communication knots, especially over issues that involve power and decision-making. That is because the sexes have distinct ways of communicating, different verbal responses and timing, which can result in misunderstandings. In other words, lots of cross talk. Miscommunication between genders can cause stress, strain relationships, and generate mistrust. People can misunderstand and misinterpret each other but when we add in gender differences, it seems amazing that couples still exist. Just think about the miscommunications you have had in your relationships.

‘‘Women from Venus, men from Mars’’ is a commonly held assumption that men and women hail from different psychological and social planets. Firstly, let us be clear on one thing. There is no such thing as an ‘‘absolute male’’ or ‘‘absolute female’’. People are individuals first and amalgams of cultural values and biological traits after that. However, common gender traits can be identified.

A cross-cultural relationship is a real struggle; as if being in a relationship with a person from the same ethnic background wasn’t difficult enough. Gender, cultural, and personality differences are given. From personal experience and observation, Finns are a unique mixture of free-thinking, sexual liberalism, conservative tradition and harsh climatic conditions. They can be awfully egocentric, always comparing things in the way they are done at home. Also, not showing one’s emotions openly is a real drag. And once you get a Finn to talk about his feelings, he is straightforward about it and do not repeat it. (“I told you once that I love you, don’t you remember?”). Men talk to report the facts not to establish relationship. It gets a bit boring not to mention it kills romanticism.

However, I believe, the majority of Finnish men are trustworthy in terms of keeping promises and meaning the things they say but at the same time they are so hard to communicate with. I feel that most of the times I talk to a concrete wall and not a human being with feelings and emotions. I usually repeat myself because our lovely boys do not use any non-verbal communication by avoiding eye- contact, gestures, and usually keeping their distance. Many international people living in Finland find it difficult to acclimatize to the interpersonal characteristics of the nation.

Here are some concrete suggestions for people who want to bridge the gender gap and make cross-gender communications work for you.

Ø Avoid raising your voice in a questioning tone at the end of sentences. When your voice goes up, your credibility goes down.

Ø Be aware of listening style differences. Women listen attentively with direct eye contact, nodding and vocalizing, which men often misconstrue to mean agreement.

Ø Monitor your smiling. Women smile to be friendly. Men smile to women when flirting. Be careful your behaviours are not misinterpreted.

NOTE! ‘Mars/Venus’ author John Gray says that when young boys have to deal with life problems, they tend to act out. They get more aggressive, even violent, and are likely to blame others for their dilemmas. Gray notes that when young girls are faced with similar difficulties, they tend to act in. They get more introverted and usually blame themselves. This is why, according to Gray, 80% of the people in our prisons are men and 80% of the people in therapy are women.

 

Αχ, Ελλάδα, πόσο με πληγώνεις..

Επέστρεψα στην Ελλάδα πριν μια εβδομάδα. Περίμενα πώς και πώς να έρθω για να κάνω ηλιοθεραπεία στο μπαλκόνι τρώγοντας καρπούζι και πίνοντας παγωμένο νερό. Μου είχαν λείψει οι καλοκαιρινές νύχτες, όπου βλέπεις τον έναστρο ουρανό και εύχεσαι να είναι όλη σου η ζωή ένα καλοκαιριάτικο βράδυ. Βλέπεται στη Φινλανδία αυτή την περίοδο ο ήλιος δε δύει και για μένα αυτό είναι χειρότερο από την όλο νύχτα περίοδο.

Αυτά που είχα ξεχάσει εντελώς ήταν τα αιωρούμενα σωματίδια, η σκόνη από τα λογής-λογής έργα, ο καύσωνας, ο θόρυβος και οι ιδρωμένοι Έλληνες. Θέλω να γυρίσω πίσω. Νιώθω να είμαι αιωρούμενη κι εγώ ανάμεσα σε δύο χώρες, σε δύο διαμετρικά αντίθετες κουλτούρες. Ουφ!! Καλό Κωλοκαίρι..(ελπίζω σύντομα να αλλάξω γνώμη..)